04 April 2007

coffee

Coffee with the pastor was very, very interesting. We talked for about 3 ½ hours until the coffee shop kicked us out because they were closing. He is a super nice guy and has a lot of great insight. He’s also pretty fucked up when it comes to his own personal life.

Should I start at the beginning? First of all, I was so incredibly nervous going to meet him. I mean, nervous like I haven’t been in a very long time. Truth be told, I thought this guy was hot the first time I met him, but back then he was the pastor of a church I worked with and was married with a couple of kids. There is something about people who are able to stand up in front of hundreds of people every week and lead them in spiritual matters that make them seem larger than life, I think. When I talked to him yesterday, he was just a guy who has made some pretty serious mistakes.

When I asked him about the affair, he seemed a little surprised that I knew, but he wasn’t incredibly taken aback. Maybe he thought I knew, but wouldn’t ask him about it? Whatev, of course I was going to ask. He gave me a song and dance about how he and his wife were having problems for a while and neither one of them were happy, they got married too young, she was spending less and less time at home, she was starting to drink a little too much, blah, blah. After a couple of minutes I just saw pinwheels in his eyes and everything got a little hazy. I mean, I really wanted to believe every single word he said. I knew that he was probably feeding me lines of crap, but he was just so earnest about it that I was hypnotized.

That’s not quite being fair to him. He did not seem like a completely disingenuous guy. I think he was being open about a lot of things – particularly his resignation – but I know that he was glossing over certain aspects of it. His job as pastor had so many responsibilities. I don’t know how he did it day in and day out. People were always asking him for things and needing advice and then there was the daily church stuff to worry about and the politics of the congregation… That particular congregation has a lot of CEOs and a couple of former senators and just sort of the more commanding people in the community. Having to deal with all of them was a little much.

He also told me that the women in the church were really kind of throwing themselves at him. He didn’t say it like that, but it was clear. They brought him dinner when he was working late and then would want to stick around and eat it with him alone in his office, they also called him for “spiritual advice” and then wanted to meet with him at their homes while their husbands were out of town. The way he said it was kind of funny and we laughed about it at first, but that is seriously just amazing. Yes, he is hot and yes he is talented, but who the fuck tries to seduce their own pastor? So when things started going sour with his marriage (which he implied was already starting to have problems when he moved here in 2001), he gave in. Um, a couple of times. Actually, three times. Okay, there were three affairs and on the last one his wife left him for good.

Yikes. When I type it out like that it seems sordid. When he talks with those pinwheels in his eyes, it doesn’t seem all that awful. In fact, I really felt a lot of sympathy for him. Am I just an idiot?

We didn’t just talk about him and we actually talked a lot about why I’m not resettling refugees anymore and the difference between a career and a calling. He contends that I’m called to do hands-on work with refugees, but I’ve chosen a hands-off career in the mental health field. There’s nothing wrong with that, but he thinks I won’t truly feel fulfilled unless I follow my calling. God, the bullshit was so good last night! And good lord, there was one point were I was talking to him about a refugee family that I adored and I had my forearms on the table in front of me and my hands were kind of loosely clasped and the inside of my wrists were facing up. He was trying to make a point about passion in your work and he looked me straight in the eyes and at the same time sort of touched the inside of my wrist with the tips of his fingers. I guess that was the point where I knew I would definitely see him again.

There is the slight problem of him still technically still being married. He also has a 13 year old son (which means he had his first child at 23 – totally insane), and two daughters that are 11 and 6. I honestly think that he was just so driven for so long that he just sort of broke down. You can’t keep up that speed forever. At least I don’t think you can. Especially when it’s kind of a charade to begin with. How could he possibly counsel people on their marriages when his own was falling apart?

Yes, he has a lot of problems. And yes, I know that he is probably trouble, but I think we’re going to meet in the big park near my house on Monday evening. He also wants me to start running with him, but there is no way I’m going to. What is it with these people that want everyone to start running?? He thinks it would be fun. I think it would be embarrassing because I would probably vomit after half a mile. Yes, I spend on hour on the elliptical and the stair thing, but full on running? With someone else who runs marathons? He was all, “We can start really slowly at first. We can run a few blocks and then walk a few, then after you build up your endurance we can start running a few miles. It’s easier when you have a running buddy.” WTF? I am not going to be his running buddy. Possibly another kind of buddy, but not the running kind.

When I got home last night I reacted the way any normal 13 year old girl would. I got online and used every search engine to find articles and pictures of him. There are quite a few.

Yikes – he just emailed me. He had a great time last night, am I sure I’m busy on Thursday, he’d really like to see me… I am totally 13 again. I think I actually started blushing when I read his email. I don’t know what I’m going to say to him. It is true that I’m busy that night, but maybe I could reschedule? I don’t know. I’m going to try not to answer him for a while.